House Republicans gather in the well of the Tennessee House Chambers. (Photo: John Partipilo)
Inspired by a recent trip to Walt Disney World, I’ve decided the only way to understand the current Tennessee legislative session is to approach it as a theme park. Here is my guidebook to Legislative Land.
The premier attraction this season is Gov. Bill Lee’s Voucher Roller Coaster. The clunky voucher train careens wildly and threatens to go off the rails. Lee is in the lead car, trying to keep the other cars in line even while House Speaker Cameron Sexton serves as conductor, threatening to toss Republican legislators over the side and maybe into a dungeon. Lee refuses to put the brakes on the runaway trains and keeps releasing smoke screens to obscure the dangers.
A perennial favorite is Lt. Gov. Randy McNally’s Mad Hatter Tea Party. The sessions typically begin with McNally proclaiming “Government is best when done at the local level.” A rude rabbit then asks “And if they do something that you disapprove of?” McNally shifts uncomfortably and bellows “Then off with their heads! We will overrule them and defund them!” His retort is met with harrumphing approval from the assembled coterie of legislators in odd costumes.
Hanging from a branch over this year’s Tea Party is state Sen. Richard Briggs of Knoxville. He looks amazingly like the grinning Cheshire Cat from “Alice in Wonderland” as he outlines his land use plans. “As a former county commissioner,” the Briggs Cat hisses, “I have seen the spectacle of local elected officials sometimes bowing to the will of citizen groups, forcing changes on developers. This must change. All developments that meet zoning must pass, damn the public and their local representatives.” The Briggs Cat then fades, leaving behind only his disturbing grin.
The Ethics Experience ride once again is closed for major repairs. The closing was prompted by Republicans pushing aside a bill that would ban legislators from being married to lobbyists.
Sen. Ken Yager faces DUI, hit-and-run charges after Georgia arrest
Sen. Ken Yager’s Wild Ride requires a liability waiver before one can hop in a car with Yager in a recreation of his alleged hit-and-run DUI in December. The Beacon Center of Tennessee’s FantasyLand is a favorite attraction for the legislators themselves. The tough part for park visitors is sorting out genuine waste and folly (there is plenty) from the think tank’s sniping at programs that benefit the poor and griping at any measure that offends the wealthy (there’s a lot of those bits of whining, too). The Nashville-based advocacy group gets most of its money from right-wing foundations.
Sexton’s Hall of Mirrors is heavily into distortion. It’s a big task to make Tennessee’s dismal numbers on public health and education funding appear to be good, but Sexton is a master light bender and creator of distractions and illusions.
You’ll need 3-D glasses for the Jonathan Skrmetti Disorder in the Court simulator. You’ll follow Tennessee’s Attorney General as he juggles extremist lawsuits he initiated or joined. Just as he balances the load, the legislature dumps on him blatantly unconstitutional enactments thrown his way. Notice how he leaks money in all directions, all while keeping his eye on the governor’s mansion.
It’s a Small World is a nearly forgotten part of the theme park. The Democratic Super Minority sometimes makes sweet sounds, but their music is drowned out by the din of the noisy Republican Supermajority.
Legislative Land really should not be called an amusement park. Few things about it are amusing. It’s more of a tragi-comic farce.
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