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When my mother was 14-years-old, her parents arranged for her to board with a family in Ekalaka, which was 60 miles from their ranch. The family that they boarded with lived in a tiny two-bedroom house, but they actually had three boarders that year, one of whom, Jane Hunter, was another girl whose parents owned a ranch nearby.
The family had two girls, and the oldest was the same age as the three boarders, so those four girls shared one bedroom, so the close proximity was fertile ground for fast friendships, and that’s exactly what happened with my mother and Jane. They have been best friends ever since sharing that tiny space, coming up on 75 years now.
To me, one of the most interesting things about their friendship is that Jane and her husband Bob are life-long Republicans, with Bob even serving two terms in the Wyoming legislature, while there are few people who are more inflexibly Democrat than my mother. And although I’m sure they’ve had awkward moments discussing issues of the day, it has never interfered with their friendship.
Also, the two women claim to this day that this wasn’t planned, but their first children were born three weeks apart, and that would be me and Jane’s son Stuart. So Stuart has been like a brother to me. We visited the Tanners at least once a year growing up, and Stuart and I played every sport you can imagine with other kids. I was a volatile kid, prone to tantrums, and I always appreciated how Stu had a knack for bringing me back to my senses, usually with a witty remark. He had a certain calm even when we were kids.
This week, my sister and I drove my mother to Casper so Mom could spend time with her friend, and as an added bonus, Stuart and I played 36 holes of golf, where we had a chance to catch up.
Stuart and I could not have led much more different lives. Stu became the Wyoming state champion in the 400 meters (or it might have still been the 440-yard run at the time) while I earned a music scholarship. While I have obviously pursued a career in the arts, Stuart went to work just out of college for Autoelect, a company that designs electronic control systems for oil and gas operations.
When the founder of Autoelect decided to retire, he hand-picked Stu as his successor, and until he retired himself a few years ago, Stu ran Autoelect and grew it into a multi-million dollar company. He’s one of the smartest guys I know, but also a guy who is well aware of his weaknesses, so he was well-respected in his company.
So here’s why I’m telling this story. Stu and I spent about seven hours together, just the two of us, talking about everything from unions to abortion to sales tax, and maybe it shouldn’t be a surprise, but when it comes right down to it, we agree on 90% of the topics we discussed. And more importantly, when we didn’t agree, we were able to discuss why without any tension or discord.
Having been a successful businessman for decades, Stu is very pragmatic about most things, and one of the phrases he kept repeating when we were talking about some high-profile political issues was “People just want to make sure someone is going to pick up their garbage.” Of course he doesn’t mean that literally, but his point is that, when it comes right down to it, Americans just want continue to receive the public services we have come to rely on.
And as a moderate Republican, he’s just as annoyed with certain factions of his party as I am, those factions who have turned their focus away from making sure the garbage gets picked up and instead put all of their focus on issues that most Americans would probably not even think about without a prompt from an outside source.
Stu said, “I’m all for small government, but when these guys start talking about doing away with this agency, or gutting another one, I always wonder whether they think about the people who have spent 20 years providing some important function. What happens when there’s nobody there to answer that phone, or receive your paperwork for an important service?”
I keep hoping that enough Americans are going to come to a point where they grasp this same basic notion, that the further the extremists (and yes, there do seem to be extremists on both sides) push and pull the discussion away from the basic function of government, the more we all suffer. The more likely it will be that every one of us will find ourselves trying to find answers to a problem, or wanting to apply for some kind of help for medical issues in particular, and getting no answers. We already find ourselves in a situation here in Montana where people who have been disenrolled from Medicare for illegitimate reasons are facing hours of wait time on the phone just to get through to a service rep.
There is plenty of evidence to indicate that the morale at government agencies is at an all-time low after the cuts that were made during the Trump administration. The way people talk to government employees has also taken a turn for the worst, so these agencies are not only understaffed, but their facing an unprecedented level of abuse.
Just ask anyone at the Montana Highway Patrol, where a recent survey resulted in very negative reviews for the leadership, which goes straight to the top, and Attorney General Austin Knudsen, whose office instructed those within the department to keep those results under wraps.
I have doing my best to put my faith in the basic values that were once expected in our country, where treating people with respect, and putting some value in your work, will prevail over the divide and conquer narrative that has driven such a wedge between so many people. I want to believe that the more times we sit down with people like Stu Tanner and have a rationale conversation about what we want our government to look like, it will come to be.
I want to believe that the relationship that started in that tiny bedroom in Ekalaka, Montana, and trickled down into the two oldest sons, is still the kind of relationship people want to cultivate in Montana, and in America.
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