Forty-nine years ago, Carol and I fell in love and began to share our lives together. We married 16 years ago after serving as one of the plaintiff couples in the Kerrigan case that made our marriage possible.
We’ve shared all the things that long-married couples share, including aging and illness. Eight years ago, Carol was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. So far, I have gladly been able to take care of Carol at home, and our plan is to continue to do so. We are living well with Alzheimer’s, meaning we are still doing things that bring us joy, and are receiving excellent support.
We are hooked into a memory care facility that has tremendous programs for people living at home and their care partners. We are on an advisory council which works to better the lives of people living with dementia. And we are still very much in love.
But I worry. I worry that there may come a time when I cannot provide the care that Carol requires. We would then have to make the difficult decision for her to enter a care facility. This decision is hard enough for all people, but made more difficult for LGBTQ+ people for fear that we could be ostracized, isolated or harassed. This burden should not be added to the challenges we are now facing as a couple.
The Connecticut legislature is currently considering HB6913: An Act Concerning LGBTQ+ Discrimination in Longterm Care Facilities, which would alleviate many of the fears that keep me up at night. The bill, sponsored by the House Aging Committee, would implement safeguards to ensure that both long-term care providers and long-term care residents understand expectations for the highest standards of care and quality of life for LGBTQ+ older adults and older people living with HIV residing in long-term care communities.
Having training for staff, having a liaison to address our needs or any concerns we may have, having signage to welcome us and programs that honor our culture, would ensure that we could live openly and authentically at a time in our lives when we are the most vulnerable.
If Carol were to enter a care facility, this bill would ensure that when I came to visit, our relationship to each other would be honored, that any harassment from staff or other residents would be addressed, and that we would be treated with the dignity and the respect we deserve.
I am not getting any younger and I received a cancer diagnosis this past year. If I were to predecease Carol, she would not be able to live alone and would have to enter a long-term care facility. It would be my dying wish that Carol would get the best care possible, that she would be treated with respect, and that she could continue to live openly and authentically. That would mean everything to me. This bill would ensure that care facilities would provide that care.
Carol and I have been working for the rights of LGBTQ+ people for five decades. In today’s political climate, where our federal government seems intent on erasing the gains and rights that LGBTQ+ people have fought for, especially the rights of people who are transgender, it is critically important that we have the protections on a state level.
Connecticut has been a leader in supporting the LGBTQ+ community. We hope the state will continue this leadership and pass this bill, ensuring that LGBTQ+ elders, including Carol, will get the treatment they deserve in long-term care facilities.
Janet F. Peck and Carol A. Conklin, lifelong Connecticut residents, currently live in Colchester.